omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize