Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
