My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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