I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
