What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
