I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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