i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
