Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
