Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
