Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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