we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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