I heard we made out
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
