Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
