No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
