Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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