Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
