I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
