i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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