I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
