at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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