Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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