No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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