i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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