did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All the doctor said was why
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
