I cockslap morals
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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