well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
