Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
