Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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