I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
