i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize