Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
