I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
