I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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