I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
