can we get nightvision for the apartment?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize