My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
