Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
