hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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