Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Damn victory sex feels great
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
