And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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