the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
