I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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