i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
