Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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