i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
