It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
