I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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