I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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