are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize