So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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