Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
