Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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