Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
