I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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