idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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