the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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