she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
