I smell stomach acid.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
