brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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