when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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