woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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