Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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