3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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