His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
