Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
