I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
