i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize