You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
