I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
