Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
