Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
