oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
