woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
