im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
