You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
