hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize