I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
