So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
