i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
