The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
