why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
