Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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