Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
