Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
