I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
