It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
