sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
love makes seman taste better
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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