Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need a beard to bite.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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