I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
