Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
