My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
