who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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