Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
