she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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