We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
