ugly people sure do ruin things
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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