Swine flu. Run for my life!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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