I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
