I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
