Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
