I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
