since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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