You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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