I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
