It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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